Haha.

Really hahaha... It made me laugh. I am just happy la.
I just realised that...
It was actually an old friend who msg-ed me after Yan Fang.
I didn't know cause I lost most of my contacts when my phone crashed.
I mean even my childhood bestfriend didn't wish me.
So how can I expect my primary school friends to do so right?
But apparently one of them did :D

No wonder

my eyelids kept twitching on Sunday during lunch at LerkThai with HaiFamily. They couldn't stop twitching. Well, you know what they say. When your eyelids twitch, it means something bad is going to happen. And it turned out so true. When I reached home, my mum was so pissed off about the hamsters.

But thank God, the fish shop owner allowed an exchange. So I got $50 worth of fish supplies in the end for my birthday present from HaiFamily. New filter system, premium fish food, etc. Haha. My fishes are so fortunate right now! :D

Sigh.

Seriously, I never thought my mum would get so worked up about it. She was like...
"I'm giving you a few days time to get rid of it! If you don't, I would do anything to get rid of it okay!" So fierce la that it kinda scares me. Its only two cute little hamsters for goodness sake. What's more, I used to keep hamsters the last time (more than ten some more!). However, I sold all of them away ever since I moved house and never kept them anymore.

Reasons I can think of why she doesn't allow:

• The house is too small. On top of that, my father keeps about 4-5 birds which I know also pisses my mum off.
• My results have dropped, she is worried that I am unable to cope with my workload for the next semester and she knows that the hamsters are going to take up a lot of my time.
• The smell of the hamsters. (Btw, I clean the hamsters cages regularly the last time and never once asked her to help me.)
• The extra expenses. Food, bedding, etc for the hamsters.
• She doesn't like animals.

Really very sad... I am so SORRY HaiFamily, I cannot accept the present :( Sigh. Going to the pet shop in the evening later with Lizhen to ask for an exchange. Hopefully, the people would allow and we wouldn't lose too much money. So next time people, don't ever buy any living things(including plants) for me as gift cause it would end up like this.

P.S: Just realised something today- There is one distraction I haven't managed to overcome yet.

Though it is belated

I am still grateful...


THANK YOU SO MUCH HAIFAMILY & DN1 !!! :D

Because I am happier this way.

What used to matter to me in the past seemed like nothing now.
It was all just a mere illusion. I can see it now.
Realization had hit me.
Why didn't I see it earlier?

That would save me from all the guilt I am still riddled with.
Well, at least I am happier now.

I'm a year older today

But still young ok. Only 19. Haha!

Anyways, a BIG THANK YOU to: (in random order)

• BLING BLINGs for the trip to Marina Barrage and the many many macarons!!! Love you all deep deep <3
• WANNING! for the very pretty pasta-theme birthday card!
• Mummy and Daddy for the birthday cake!
• Daddy for the new mobile phone :D
• All those who msg-ed me, especially those who msg-ed past midnight!

On a side note, HaiFamily didn't celebrate my birthday today, so that makes me very suspicious...Hmmm... would they be celebrating for me still??

Shall post photos another day!

I am angry.

Pissed with myself.

Oh God, why did things turned out so wrong??

I should have known.

Guilt, frustration, anger, confusion, all rolled into one is exactly how I am feeling right now. Sorry for being so mean and direct but I got to say what I got to say. Sigh. Sometimes, I feel like I deserve to go to hell. A girl like me don't deserve to be loved.

Like huh?

Quotes contradict so badly sometimes.

Leon: The Professional

Watched this movie while I was Shanghai and love it to the max! Now I finally understand the meaning of one of my favourite songs of all times- Shape of my heart by Sting.

He may play the jack of diamonds

He may lay the queen of spades

He may conceal a king in his hand

While the memory of it fades

So anyways,

life's good for me now (just the way I want it). No more pressure, though I still can't help but feel guilty about it. But then, such is life, what's done is done. Well, that's the way things are; you learn from your mistakes. And for me, it's all about thinking twice before I act.


What I need now is intense laughing therapy...
On top of that, I can't wait for outings with my beloved HaiFamily and Bling Bling!!!

And a little part of me wished that school would re-open soon cause I actually missed being busy. Haha! How ironic of me to think that way.

My Samsung Star

Yay-ness :D Like finally, a new mobile phone!

I wanted to use my 4GB MicroSD card for this new phone to store my music and photos. But then I just realised that the card is still with the psychology teacher! ARGH! Which means I have to wait until school reopens which is like in a month's time. What if he lost it??? *Crosses fingers

What you see is not what you get.

Sometimes.

It's like I've been awaken
After sleeping for three thousand years.

Away, distractions

My mind's made up. And I'm more determined than ever. I really wanna change and find my "ren shen mu biao". (Life's goal)

I've shut out whatever would distract me.
Including Highway 18.

And I wondered again.

Woohoo!
I made it back in one piece.
And yes, I would things right this time.

I've been thinking a lot for the pass 2 weeks and finally, YES! I've decided to put away whatever has been bugging me and probably never speak a word about it anymore. *Crosses fingers

On top of all that, I pondered about my life too.
Sadly, realised I've changed so much over the past 2 years.
And I seriously hated the changes I see in me.

Where is that girl who would always cry when she fail a test?
Where is that girl who would always study before a test or an exam?
Where is that girl who is ever so serious in her work?
Where is that girl who never dared to skip lessons?
Where is that girl who is never late for lessons?
Where is the girl who always placed studies as her top priority?
Where is the girl who once made my parents so happy in the midst of "family crisis"?
Where is the old me? I don't see it anymore.

All I see now is a girl who
Doesn't give a shit about failing or doing badly.
Skipped so many lessons that she totally lost count of it.
Have to rely on my friends on school days to wake me up.
Have to rely on my friends on sundays to wake me up for service (church).
Always LATE for school, cellgroup, outings, etc.
Always sleeping late.
Always falling asleep during lectures.
Always so forgetful.
Always dreaming/stoning.
Argh! What's happening to me?

I desperately need to change.
Difficult, yes,
But I know one thing for sure, God would always be with me.